Another day outside of my comfort zone.

I wish to share here not to the public but to let my future self to have a look back at what have I done.

Today is just like ordinary day for anyone, *MONDAY BLUE*. But not quite for a person that struggling for his daily job. Not daring to meet up with people, dealing with rejection, Alone, depression you name it. But still a job is a job, even when I did not do anything I still need to show my boss my pretty face.

Today I found out something that is going to give me a huge impact on my depression, not getting better but worst from it. Previous week, out of a sudden the head of the department asked me to prepare for a lecture/discussion on what have I done for the whole week. I was like okay, at least my problem can be discuss with them, maybe I should let them know I'm struggling mentally. Fast forward to today, it actually turn out not they wanted to help me deal with problems but to monitor my movement.

I was placed to sit next to the head of department on my 2nd day of work. Not a good place if you asked me. And I do not know what can I do the whole day, should I just go door to door asking people? but where should I go? To the place I familiar with? That is just like 3 places I'm familiar with and poof! I ran out of ideas. Cold calling? Seriously I hate doing that, I'm afraid of calling people by the phone. The chill run through my spine.

I just hope that I got the chance to tell them, this is really not what I am good at. Nope! not at all! In fact those are what I least good at. God everyday I'm in depression I felt like crying everyday. I felt like a nobody in the office, I have no one to talk to. Worst of all, even my dear say I'm always a sour face. Bring back my smile this instance!!